The (probably true) explanation of that Seinfeld Dress–REVEALED!

I wrote this essay for the BRAVA! 2023 contest and upcoming event. I did not win but I read my essay to my writing group where the women validated my belief that, like Jennifer Beales in Flashdance: most of just can’t wait to get out of our bras at the end of a long day!

Here are my 750 words on the topic 🙂

The (probably true) explanation of that Seinfeld Dress–REVEALED!

I have a secret.

I go braless–as often as possible.

Why? Because I find bras physically painful.   

“You’re wearing the wrong size then,” I’m told.

Me: “Well, I have tried many different sizes…NONE are comfortable.”

Friends: “What about jogging bras? Body shapers?”

OMG, No!  Even the IDEA of Spanx makes me cringe, like “control top” panty hose… the modern-day equivalent of a girdle.  Constriction is the opposite of what I need–which is to breathe!

I also avoid belts, non-elastic waistbands, high heels. But those are optional fashion choices, whereas polite society expects women to hide the natural movement of our mammary glands.

Jogging bras do stop the wiggling but also hurt my breastbone, lungs, back. Alternatively, any bra loose enough for me to breathe in provides no support at all, plus straps fall, cups ride up; it serves only as a nuisance.

So. How do I even go out?  

1) Camisoles, I’ve found, with their built-in elastic and double layers of fabric creating a “shelf bra” are ok-ish.

2) Built-in shelf bras.  The solution to my Bra Struggle Story–is a wonderful black and white dress that has an extremely comfortable built-in shelf bra. It’s a Rebok tennis dress I bought 10+ years ago– “off season” at Marshall’s for less than the average cost of a bra.

This dress has become like an emotional support animal. I wear it almost every day, so I call it my Seinfeld dress. Remember the episode where Jerry meets a girl wearing a nice black and white dress that shows just a bit of cleavage. He admires her in this dress … right up until the moment he realizes she wears that same dress EVERY time he sees her. When they go back to her apartment he gets caught in the Twilight Zone when he sees that in every photo on display she’s wearing the exact same dress!   “WHY? WHY?!”

He snoops in her closet, she catches him! Instead of “slipping into something more comfortable,” she throws him out. Twenty-five years later Reddit Thread commenters still wonder, like Jerry, WHY ONE DRESS? They share theories…  all wrong, imho, because I know the answer:  THAT DRESS HAS A COMFORTABLE BUILT-IN BRA.

I wear my Seinfeld dress in my Facebook profile and most of my photos!  I pull a black top over it and get compliments (“Oh! I love your skirt!”) I can pair it with sweaters and tights as winterwear.  On hot summer days it is my coolest dress–as comfortable as my birthday suit–but socially acceptable.

I breathe easily in it to play tennis and even swim (it is made of bathing suit material).  I can let my “bra” straps show…the dress IS my bra!

I’ve worn it to fancy restaurants, parties, college reunions, concerts, on airplane flights and long car rides. I especially wear it to activities that make me nervous–like taking my (now adult) autistic son to stressful places, the zoo, theatres, the food bank where he volunteers.  In fact, keeping up with my son is the main reason I love it… he wakes up early and moves fast…  I grab my Seinfeld dress and can be fully dressed in 60 seconds to catch up with him as he enthusiastically (over) pets our neighbors’ dogs.

Unfortunately, my Seinfeld dress is showing its age …it’s faded from black to more of a slate gray.  My friend Vicki scolds me for its overuse. She even bought me a new black & white dress to give me an upgrade—a cute dress, soft, swingy with no waistband–but, tragically, she didn’t realize WHY I wear it so much and the new dress has NO built in bra!  I put on a cami to wear it for her. Once. (The cami straps showed.)  Her thoughtful gift hangs in my closet–right alongside all the other braless dresses I rarely wear.  

Another fashion secret many people don’t know is “less is more.” It’s OK to give ourselves very limited options to cut down on decision fatigue. As POTUS, Obama found dressing himself each morning was easiest with just 2 options: “Is the gray or blue suit today?” That way he could quickly suit up and move on to the day’s more important decisions.

For me it’s: 1) Cami–plus decision fatigue? or 2) Seinfeld dress?

“Comfort first” isn’t a crazy idea. I LOVED when fashion designers invented the tankini (Halleluiah! Modest coverage like a one-piece, but, like bikinis, tankinis comfortably fit torsos of varying lengths. And best of all: easy to pee in!)

I hope this essay might convince fashion designers to create a line of comfortable, “one and done” Seinfeld dresses with built-in bras. A gift to all women who enjoy breathing.

PS Want to see my dress? See my social media! Want to see that Seinfeld Episode?  Google August 17th, 1992,  “One of Seinfeld’s unsolved mysteries: Is she wearing the same thing over and over again?” Answer: Yes she is. And now we know why. (Probably.) 

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  My dress goes to the beach!

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  My dress in Kennebunkport!

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  My dress goes to reunions!

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  My dress in Time Square!

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  My dress loves to go to museums!